The Hi-Rise Bar

A man is sitting at a bar at the top floor of the Sears Tower. He's drinking shots of tequila. He throws down a shot and goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy jumped out the window. He was even more surprised when, about two minutes later, the same man, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The amazed guy asks," How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet high above the ground!" The man replies by saying, "Well, I don't get it either, my friend. I drink a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, drinks it down, goes over to the window and jumps out. The other man runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, he slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes go by and the guy walks back into the bar. The other man wants to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. he drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down..BAM! The first man orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him," You're really a jerk when you drink, Superman."

Way Too Much

A guy walks into a bar. He is very drunk and staggers up to the bar, sits down, and asks the barman for a drink. The barman politely informs the man that it looks like he has already had plenty to drink and that he could not serve him. The barman offers to call a taxi.

The drunk is a little surprised but climbs down from the bar stool, and staggers out the door. A few minutes later, the same drunk walks in the side door of the bar. He pushes up to the bar and yells for a beer. The barman comes over and refuses service to the man and again offers to call a taxi. The drunk looks at the barman for a moment curses, and staggers out the side door.

One minutes later, the same drunk staggers in through the back door of the bar. He sits himself on a bar stool, and orders a whiskey. The barman comes over and reminds the man that he is drunk and will not be served. He then tells him that he can either call a taxi or the police.

The surprised drunk looks at the barman and says, "My Goodness! How many bars do you work at?"

The Drunk and the Nun

There was a man in a tavern one night that got really drunk, I mean REALLY drunk. When the tavern closed he got up to walk home. As he swayed out the door he saw a nun walking by on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her right in the eye. Well the nun was really shocked but before she could do anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he staggered over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into the street. By this time the nun was hurt and couldn't move. So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

A Lot of Beer?

Al tells his wife he is heading out to the local bar to have a drink.

The wife starts complaining you never take me anywhere anymore.

After hours of complaining the husband agrees to take his wife along. They sit down at a table and the husband gets up and goes to get drinks for the two of them.

While he was gone a man walks up to Al's wife and tells her he wants to turn her upside down fill her with beer and drink her dry. Al's wife yells, "you sick'o pervert... go away."

Al returned and his wife told him what happened and to go kick that guy's ass.

Al said, "No way... you don't mess with a guy who can drink that much beer".

High Tech Dude

A guy walks into a tavern and sits at the bar. He starts dialing numbers like there's a telephone in his hand, then puts his palm up against his mouth and begins talking.

Shocked, the bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any wise guys in here.

The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying a cell phone."

The bartender says "Prove it."

The guy dials a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender speaks into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's amazing!" says the bartender. "I would never have believed it!" "Yes", said the man, "I can keep in touch with my bank, my girlfriend, or anyone.

Then he asked, "where is the men's room?" The bartender points him to the men's room.

The guy goes in and about 20 minutes go by and he doesn't come out. Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room to see if the guy is OK.

The guy is spread-eagled against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper sticking out of his butt.

"Oh my God!" says the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are you OK?"

The guy turns and says: "No, I'm OK. I'm waiting for a fax."